Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
