hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
