Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
