if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
