My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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