singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
