Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
