i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
