My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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