College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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