Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we made out on top of his cat.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
