he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I party with great urgency now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
