it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
