I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
