he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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