we have officially lost it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
