alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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