They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
