i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
