Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
