I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
