i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
As shirtless as possible
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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