You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I need water and some morals
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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