respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize