She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
