I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
