3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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