So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
