How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
