can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
