you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I intend to get homeless drunk
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
