Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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