after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
