I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Randomize
