is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
