smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
