I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
whose parrot is this?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
