Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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