We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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