I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
