I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
