just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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