Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
