so that wasnt chicken after all
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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