I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize