On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
my liver is dry heaving
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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