Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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