I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
