So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
