The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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