Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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