So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
