New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
