Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My liver just had a heart attack.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
