The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
