Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The chlamydia really affected his face.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize