I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
