Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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