so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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