I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
