At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
