idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
