I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
