He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
