Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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