I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
