Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
