When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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