Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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